Tuesday, May 24, 2005

You Know You're From Long Island When...

You know someone who went to Chaminade.

Jones Beach Theater is the best place in the world to see a concert. CASE CLOSED!

Is it just me, or is every girl from Rockville Centre a bitch?

Billy Joel said it best, "Either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore."

What's the big deal about the Hamptons?

If you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.

You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "the City"

You know the Belt Parkway sucks!

You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."

You never realize you have an accent until you leave.

You know where at least one strip club is.

You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.

You curse. A lot.

Is Huntington really that cool?

You've been to Utopia at least once.

The goddamn geese are everywhere!

If your parents didn't, your grandparents lived in the city.

At some point in your life you or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.

You actually remember when you felt safe swimming at Bar Beach and Hempstead Harbor.

Commack movie theatre scares you

You walk around the mall aimlessly.

You drive around your town with your friends, and that's the most exciting part of your evening.

On the weekend, your evening consists of seeing a movie, going bowling, or playing pool.

When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.

No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

You feel like you know Howard Stern.

You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you never go there.

When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.

You know that the beach sucks during the day and is the most magical place in the world at night

You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.

You're still waiting for a bridge to Connecticut.

You've tried to use your father's monthly ticket to ride the LIRR. It worked.

No matter what you do, you end up at the diner.

Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.

High school sports aren't that important.

You've never been to Times Square on New Year's Eve.

You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

Each one of your diverse friends mercilessly makes fun of his own background.

You love that salty smell of the ocean.

No, you don't want mustard on that burger!

The most exciting day of your summer is when all tickets to every Jones Beach show go on sale.

You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks. But, you periodically "Get the Crave"

You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.

You can order a pizza pie and a soda and people will understand.

You felt slighted when Snapple sold out.

You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.

You wanted Hooters to open simply to piss off "decency" groups.

You watched a game show and wondered, "why are these people so happy that they won a trip to New York?"

You like The Brothers McMullen.

When you hear Billy Joel's "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" you try to figure out what places on Long Island he's talking about.

You know that parts of the Godfather were filmed on LI.

You always liked Billy Joel, but as soon as you leave, you love Billy Joel.

At some point in your life, you've gone clamming.

You've been to the Tanger Outlets and came home with nothing to show for it.

You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.

You have been to Mulcahay's on Thanksgiving Eve, the largest ladies night event of every year.

You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.

You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.

Your parents took you to Nathans or Carvel

You hate the radio commercials for the Dublin Pub

Public beach? What's that?

You can correctly pronouce places like Happauge, Commack, Islip, Islandia, Massapequa.

You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.

You grew up thinking Chinese food was a basic food group.

You're used to driving down the street in December and seeing more light-up menorahs than you can shake a latka at. In fact, even your non-Jewish friends know what Matzoh is. And you've never driven more than 10 miles without seeing a temple.

Oh, your parents are from Brooklyn? So are mine!

Yes, admit it, you've cruised the Pike.

You can remember making up rules for “Shotgun” calls in high school.

Your elementary school promoted dodge ball as the top gym activity.

You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy’s.

You consider nachos and cheese at the Coliseum to be a suitable dinner date.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.

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